The night before my appointment with Dr. S, we had cell at Chris and Carol M’s. They’re friends who introduced me to Greg and Donna and the leaders of my cell group. While praying, I had a vision of crawling into God’s lap and being enveloped in his arms and held. I felt so loved, so secure, and so peaceful.
I went into Dr. S’s office with my husband, John and my daughter, Amy. Dr. S and I talked about my symptoms, the tests I’d had and the results. He examined me and then told me that the results of the biopsy indicated that the “thing” was “highly suspicious” of being an adenocarcinoma. Cancer. He wanted to take half my pancreas and all of my spleen. When he said all this I felt like I’d been hit very hard with a big blast of water. I felt as though I was in way over my head. I told him no. He wasn’t taking any of my body parts. God gave them to me for a reason and he couldn’t take them away. I asked questions. I don’t remember what. I cried and John took Amy into the waiting room and left me alone with Dr. S. He told me I would probably require chemotherapy or radiation. I told him “absolutely, categorically, NOT!” He told me I would probably require prescription digestive enzymes every time I ate and would likely become diabetic. I couldn’t understand. What he was telling me was WRONG, WRONG, WRONG . It went against everything I believe in. I had eaten organic food. I had studied natural living books, magazines – lived, breathed, ate this stuff. I got up on my bandwagon about how important natural living was. Was completely, obnoxious about it. I had thought about this lots of times. If I ever got cancer I would go all natural, go to some country where they did the treatments with the most natural methods available to man. I was never, ever going to be treated allopathically if I ever got cancer (which I wasn’t). The surgery was going to be 3 1/2 hours, the scar 8” long. IT WAS WRONG – DIDN’T HE UNDERSTAND THAT?
I told Dr. S that he shouldn’t book anything for me, I had to see a naturopath. “She’ll tell you the same thing.” he said. I asked him what would happen if I didn’t have the surgery. I would die. 95% of all pancreatic tumours are cancerous. I was determined – mine wasn’t.
I met John and Amy in the waiting room. We left and called for the elevator. There was a sign in the elevator – it said “In case of emergency – remain calm”. I found myself laughing inside. In the midst of the first real crisis of my life I saw that sign as ludicrous. In reality it had nothing to do with my situation, it was about elevator emergencies but I felt it was directed at me. So, there I was, I’d been given a death sentence, I was going to leave my husband and my 4 year-old daughter alone and I was to remain calm. I was hurt, scared, lost and completely alone. No one I knew could help me because they weren’t me. They didn’t have cancer.
I was supposed to meet with my cell leader, Chris M and then Donna – it was Thursday – prayer day. I had been trying to get Chris on the phone to confirm he would be at his store after my appointment but wasn’t able. I decided I would just go to Donna’s and take Amy with me. I had some time to kill though. God is so good. John went to run an errand for work and I went home to start the necessary and time consuming phone work.
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