"Do you feel awesome yet?"

That’s what The Husband kept asking me after my FIRST RACE EVAH !!! on Halloween.  :)  It was superfantastic, I loved it, and I’m totally hooked!

Okay, so here’s how it went down:

My whole house had to wake up at 6 a.m.  The sun wasn’t even up yet, but The Husband happily rose out of bed and got ready.  The kids, well, they’re kids.  ;)  Our friend who was visiting isn’t a morning person, but she got up, too!!   I ate a banana with a cup of coffee and then some water.  Strapped on my Vibrams (heh, that sounds so dirty!) and wrapped my left leg in the truck.  I drank some coconut water on the way there.  We got there about 30 min before the start.  Most everyone was waiting inside as it was about 33 degrees outside in the wind!  It was fun to look around at the people who had dressed up… I should have taken pictures, but I was so nervous I didn’t think to!   I’ll do better next time.  :)

Well, finally the time came to go outside and line up.  Squeeeee!!!!  I was so excited and totally nervous!!!  There were so many people!!  There was some talking, rules explained (“make sure you go over the timing mat!”), the national anthem and the countdown.  And we were off!!!!  OHMYGAWD!!!  I was on my way!!  But not fast like a lot of those people because I’m not fast.  It didn’t take too long before I realized my ears were cold and I had forgotten to pull my fleece headband up, DUH!!!  So oh-so-uncoordinated me had to pull my earbuds out (yes, I was listening to music so I could drown out my own crazy-ass labored breathing–it was freakin’ cold!!!) and pull my headband up with one hand, wearing gloves, without falling on my face.  No, seriously.  I’m so not graceful.

Now, I had checked out the route because as previously stated, I was really fucking nervous.  No, I know.  But seriously.  Don’t be a douche-monkey-curse-word-Nazi.  That word gets across how serious I am about my level of nervousness!!!  Anyway, I checked out the course on Wednesday and all it did was increase my anxiety.  Why?  Shit, I don’t know!!!  Maybe because this was my FIRST RACE EVAH!!!   The course started in front of Bass Pro, went down Campbell (normally a very busy main thoroughfare) and turned to the right into neighborhoods.

My goal was to not be the last 5K runner in.  That was my whole plan.  Oh, and run as much as I could.  But up until this point, I hadn’t run more then 2.67 miles.  So I had already resigned myself to a 45 minute (or more) 5K and figured, “Hey! That leaves a shit-ton of room for improvement!”  :)  I expected people to pass me, DUH, but I had already picked out a few that had better not.  They didn’t.

But you wanna know who did???  A chick in some “sexy cop” costume with super short, hawt tight shorts.  What an ass!  Oh, sorry.  *Ahem*  At about a mile, I was passed by a middle aged dude wearing khakis, a TWEED sport coat, and a nice fedora.  Damn, that sucked.  He passed me on the right as we made a left turn.  I looked to my left and saw a “chef” with a “knife” (whew, it was plastic) going by at a nice clip.  Crap!  People with PROPS are passing me!!  Oh swells.  As long as that “bunch of grapes” lady stays behind me….

About halfway they had dudes with Powerade.  I wasn’t so much thirsty as I was curious to see if I could grab the cup without spilling it all over the place.  :)  Heh heh.  I.AM.AWESOME.  I spilled it on my shirt while trying to DRINK it, but I didn’t spill that shit when I grabbed it!!  Muahahahaha!!!

Powerade down just in time for what is, to me, a decent hill.   Luckily, I have occasionally run on similar hills in my OWN neighborhood.  I tried some Zentri (“I see you hill”) and made it like 3/4 of the way up before I thought about stopping.  I didn’t tho.  Not on that one!  Later, there were some more “inclines” that I made it about 1/2 way up, walked a few seconds and then finished it.  Heh, turns out the hills see me right back!

Know what else saw me on that hill?  That damn “bunch of grapes”.  She knew what the hell she was doing.  Oh, maybe I should explain.  Grape lady was this older lady with pink hair whose costume was a bunch of purple balloons somehow attached to her person.  Yea, she passed me.  I’m boycotting wine for a while.

About 1/4 mile out, I stopped.  NO, I’M JUST KIDDING!!!  I’m no Bobbo.  ;)  But for real, I got passed by a kid.  She looked to be about 9 or 10.  Man, she looked all smooth and was starting to pull away from her own mom!!!  Good for her, but damn her for passing me.  Boooooo.  Right after that, some weirdo wearing black came flying up, apparently pacing himself by the race ambassador on the bicycle.  Crazy.

Not much farther and I finally stopped getting passed.  I knew I was almost done, so I looked back to make SURE there were people running behind me.  I didn’t look to see what color their bibs were so that I could pretend they were ALL 5K RUNNERS and not WALKERS or 10K runners.  :)  I saw a good-sized group back there and thought, “Whew! All is not lost!”.

Then I was in that final stretch.  There was a group on the right cheering.  There was a group on my left with miniature cowbells.  And up ahead I could see that final turn into the store (yea, it ended in the store). “OHMYGOODGRAVYI’MREALLYGOINGTOFINISHTHISFUCKINGTHING!!!” Shut up, fool, if you want to know what was going through my head, THAT was exactly what I was thinking!!!  Closer, closer, closer… Scan the crowd… Where are they?  I know they’re there… Closer, closer… THERE they are!!!  I see them!!  The Husband, The Kids and Kat!!!  Sweet!!  And the people are cheering and clapping.  One more turn… Into the store.  Hey, there’s a clock!  35 what???!!!  No, I had to see that wrong.  Keep running until you’re over the mats!!!  Dude, I know you’re there to take my picture but you’re kinda in my way.  Thanks.

DONE!!! I JUST FINISHED MY FIRST 5K, BITCH!!!  Oooooh, cooooool!  A free towel and YES I’ll have some water!

I found a place out of the way and cracked that water open… YUM!  Then I pulled my iPhone out of my pocket to check my program…. It said 35:45.  HOT DAMN!  That’s insane!  For me, that’s fucking FAST!

The Husband, The Kids and Kat found me… Hugs and congrats all around and that’s the 1st time The Husband asked me, “Do you feel awesome yet?”.  I was trying not to be emotional because I was superfucking proud of myself right at that moment and in danger of going all female and crying, so I can’t remember what i said.  He asked me again later, when we got home, and yea.  I feel pretty damn awesome.  :)

Thank you to The Husband, The Kids and Kat for dragging your asses out of bed to support me in my first race!  Thanks so much to everyone who encouraged me and was excited for me!  And thank you, “coach” dude, for your suggestions and awesome willingness to help me be able to “do the work”.

I can’t wait to do it again!!!  :)

Official times:

225 22/45 4016 Amy Gordy 34 F Republic MO 35:01 11:18

FEMALE AGE GROUP 30 - 34 (500)
21 4016 Amy Gordy Republic MO 34 F 35:01 11:18