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"To be quite frank (laughs), my wife really let herself go and managed to gain 70 pounds in the last year. I really do love her and she's great with our kids, but man, I can't stand seeing her naked. I can hardly bring myself to touch her. I began going to strip joints to get back that look I used to have at home, but I simply needed to get my rocks off at a certain point and masturbating wasn't cutting it. Of course, it's not the same considering I put on two condoms and engage in straight sex — no kissing or foreplay, unless she wants to go down on me, but even then it's with a condom because of herpes and all — and head home right afterwards. I told my wife and of course, she cries about it. What I really want her to do is cry off about 70 pounds, however. Only then will either of us be happy again. I mean come on; I married a mermaid, not a whale."   -Franco, 28" 

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