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"How to Talk to Her About Her Kinky Desires So what do women want in bed? What do women want men to do in bed? To them, for them, with them?  It starts with listening. Regardless of their specific personal desires, the No. 1 thing women want to hear in bed is, “What do you want?” If you want to know how to be better in bed for her, you don’t start by drawing up a list of kinky things to do during sex. Instead, you start by asking her what she wants to do.  “The next time you're both relaxing and lying around after sex, ask her if there are any desires or fantasies she has never expressed to you,” says Riel. “It's that simple. Ask her.” For starters, this means she doesn’t have to feel weird about bringing it up herself, as well as giving her an opportunity to have a discussion she might feel ready to have but not ready to start.  “If you initiate the conversation, she'll be more likely to want to open to you about it,” adds Riel, noting that regardless of what she tells you, having a real and honest conversation on the subject can do wonders for a relationship. “Creating a safe place to talk about sex can make the connection between you and your partner that much stronger and deeper.” That being said, there are ways to screw such a conversation up. If you put too much pressure on her to respond in a certain way, or at all, she might feel attacked rather than supported. “If you want to learn what she really wants to try or what her sexual fantasies are,” says Lords, “she has to know she’s safe to tell you these things, and you won’t laugh, freak out or use them against her later. She also has to know that you’re willing to communicate with her by both talking about your own kinky desires, and listening when she talks at all" 

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