"We teach girls to shrink themselves to make themselves smaller. We say to girls: "You can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful - but not too successful, Otherwise you will threaten the man." Because I am female, I am expected to aspire to marriage. I am expected to make my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important. Now marriage can be a source of joy and love and mutual support, but why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don't teach boys the same? We raise girls to see each other as competitors, not for jobs or for accomplishments, which I think can be a good thing - but for the attention of men. We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are. Feminist: the person who believes in the Social, Political, and Economic equality of the sexes."
-Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
I was reading Faith's blog entry where she posted the above quote. It is by a brilliant author and Beyonce just so happens to have it in her new song "Flawless". I downloaded the song at the gym the other day. I was enjoying it while kicking ass on my inclined walk. Then Chimamanda's voice came on and it was like...
Wow. A wow moment. It was undoubtedly true, and beautifully said.
I cling to every word. That is how society views women. It is what I have witnessed growing up. My mom and dad did not raise me to believe this, but a lot of other family members, friends, peers, etc. did.
First of all, we are all different. And as a woman, I would never bash another woman whose dream was to be a wife and mother. It's a beautiful thing, and if that is what a woman wants, than a woman should have it.
What I do not agree with, is how there has been so much pressure for this is how it has to be. "This is what should be expected from a woman." To get married and have children has never been the highest on my priority list and I have been made to feel like something is wrong with me. I just never could put it in words so beautiful as Chimamanda.
Growing up, I had big dreams. I still do. Everyday the dreams change and get bigger. I wanted to be a singer, an actress, a model, a Forensic Psychologist, play the guitar, fitness compete, travel the world, skydive, write a novel, and the list could go on. But none of them were to get married and have children. Sure, I probably wanted both of them, but it just was not something I was living for.
And you know, there is nothing wrong with that.
However, one day I feel as if I will meet my prince charming. Not like the one out of a fairytale, but the one who was made for me. I believe in that. Mainly because I am going to be willing to work my ass off for our relationship. I am going to love him more than he could have ever fathomed and right now, I have no idea who he is. I do not know when I will meet him, what will happen, and one thing I will never do is rush it. I am not going to live for that moment. I am not going to live for a man. I am going to live my life the way I want and the way I feel it should be, and if fate and God want it to happen, it will. That is the thing people sometimes forget: what is meant to be will always find a way.
We then have the society view: woman vs. woman.
That makes me madder and even sadder, then society "telling" women they are born to be wives and mothers. Why do women knock each other? This starts in grade school, and I hate it. I loathe when I hear a woman say; "I do not like girls. I perfer boys. Girls are too catty". I am all for women empowerment. The jealously really gets under my skin. I have always been the type of girl to appreciate a woman's beauty and especially when I see a woman being a CEO, political leader, or anything like that. To me, seeing that is refreshing, not something I would never try to knock down. Women need to fight through their insecurities; I think that is what a lot of cattiness stems from. We are so insecure because of society that if we feel a woman is "better than us" we have to knock her down. We can't like or appreciate her, we have to tear her apart so she is not favored more than us.
I applaud Beyonce for her new record and especially this song. Women can be SEXY, strong, talented, and educated. If a woman has a strong sexual side, she is deemed as a "slut" or "whore". But a man? He gets kudos. By nature we are all sexual beings. Explore your sexual side; feel the freedom. Be whomever you want. I myself am a very sexual being. That does not mean I go out sleeping around with everyone. I value myself more than that. I don't need too. But it doesn't mean I do not have the strong desires nor the curiosity. And I value it.
You know... we do run the world, ladies.
I always believe in the quote "Be the change you wish to see in the world". I live by it and this change starts with me. Do not fall into the mass - create your own.
You know, I never knew how passionate I was about "Woman Empowerment" until I started writing and Blogging.
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