"Lumberjack Locale: The woods, naturally. Simulate sex with a tree in this position. The intermediary is your lover. She is the tree hugger, facing the tree, with her arms around it protecting the tree from your large and violent axe. Enter her from behind, and she will use her otherworldly powers of manipulation to make you forget all about being a callous tree-murderer. Choose your tree carefully, as despite her love for tall leafy greens, she is prejudiced against certain types of trees — trunks with a lot of scratchy bark are not worthy of her embraces. She likes them long, smooth and thick."
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