Hanging by a thread

WARNING: This post will consist of complaining, being emotional, and crying through my words. Read at your own risk.

This week is draining me.

I thought I was tired two weeks dealing with Divisional Meetings at my job. Ha. This week makes that week look like a vacation. 

As you guys probably know, I lost 8 pounds last week. I am experimenting with a new weight loss plan, and I really enjoy it, but it is hard. And I need hard. I have slacked off most of the year, so now it is time to work. I am OK with that, but it is still hard. Part of my nutrition is low carbohydrates. I am talking extremely low; maybe 20g a day, at that. It will not be like this for long, for right now it is. 

That alone will make one feel like a zombie.

I move Saturday, and I am working all week. I work 8-5. I have a "desk job" at a "corporate place" but I am never ask my desk. I run around our office the entire day. Our office occupies 75% of the fourth floor in a corporate building so it is really big. All day long I run around, answer the door (which alone is constant), manage/inventory our two huge break rooms, assist my President and 2 other executives, take care of accounting, checks, and be the "office mom" for the other 35 people in the office. It is all part of the job and I love it, but this week it is draining the life out of me. Every time I turn around I have 3 people coming up to me with questions, concerns, tasks, and I just feel like I cannot keep up. And that really bothers me. It really makes me psycho because I want to do a great job and when I feel like I am not keeping up, it breaks my heart.

Today one of my co-workers was standing at my desk talking to me and I was so deliriously tired that I had no idea what she said. She talked to me for at least 2-3 minutes and I completely zoned out. I looked up at her finally and just bluntly told her "I literally did not just hear a word you said". 

After work, I just want to go home, shut off all of the lights and wrap myself under my covers in bed. But no, I go to the gym. Since my caloric intake is low and my carbohydrate even lower, I am not working out as hard. I still have to train though. Me not working out is like someone not breathing. It just doesn't happen. It has taken every ounce of strength and faith to push through my training this week. That is even with taking Monday off.

Finally, I get home. I immediately throw myself into packing. I have a one bedroom condo and I am moving into a one bedroom apartment, so why do I have so much freaking crap! And for me to have so much crap, I keep making lists of items I am going to need for my new place! I started packing Sunday and have packed every night, but damn I feel like I am not even making a dent.

After I pack I go take a quick shower and I am so tired and sore that I can barely even lift my arms to wash myself. The thought of shampooing and conditioning my hair and shaving makes me cringe. I am roughing it and I don't care. If winning a beauty pageant was a life or death situation for me this week, I would gladly hand whomever a gun.

When I get out of the shower, I finally make a small dinner - inhale it, then lay out my clothes for the next day, make sure meals for work are packed, and everything is cleaned and straightened up. 

After that is finished, I get 20 minutes to sit on the couch and stare blankly at the TV, because at this point I am not even sure what my name is. And the next thing I know it is 10:30 and I need to get in bed because 6:00 AM comes early.

It has been such a hard week, I am in tears writing this. I am just so tired. I know I may sound crazy, but I am just venting. This is me. I am one part awesome and 594 parts crazy. It's almost 8:30 and I am going to get in bed. I need to forget this day, put on my game face, and push through the next couple of days. Saturday is almost here. My goal is to see the good in everything going on and make the best out of the situation. At least I am working hard towards something better.

Marty is staring at me as I write this blog entry, he makes everything worth it, too.